"I don';t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor';s dog."
"I am faster than 80% of all snakes"
"Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
"If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides."
"In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
"Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will"
"I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four, and I was great and I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats."
"I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command"
I love The Office. It is the funniest show. And if you can't tell, my fav. is Dwight. If you have never seen an episode, it is never too late. I recommend to start now.
1 comment:
I totally agree. My fav episode was the fire drill one! Rescuing the cat...I am laughing now!
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